This month we are diving into something that holds back everyone at some point in their careers; being judgmental of ourselves and those around us. Unfortunately, most leaders may not even know when they are being judgmental because the drive to succeed is often fueled by these thoughts. Judgmental thoughts about yourself and others can be overwhelming. They can consume your day and make it difficult to focus on anything else. When we judge others, it can make us feel like others are judging us too.
These types of negative thoughts can harm you and your team in multiple ways.
Judgment can be an ongoing dialogue inside your head or can spill out in the form of feedback to your team and peers. Most of these thoughts focus on flaws, whether actual or perceived. Sometimes it starts after a critical comment from another person, or by someone sharing a belief that you do not agree with.
In leadership, judgment can be useful. It helps us to make decisions quickly, so we can act swiftly if the need arises. Even judgment in the form of self-criticism can be helpful when it increases humbleness and provide a way to evaluate our actions for improvement.
However, judgment can often create rifts between you, your team, or your boss.
Let’s start by talking about self-judgmental thoughts. Not only can they increase the risk of depression, anxiety, stress, and other mental health issues, they also weaken your self-esteem and confidence. As a leader or someone that is trying to become a leader, this can hurt your ability to connect with your team in a meaningful way. You may find it difficult to give constructive feedback when needed or to even find yourself lashing out at others over small infractions. This often leads to your employees or peers feeling unappreciated and frustrated.
Luckily, you can learn to reframe these negative thoughts in your head and overcome them.
Understanding Judgmental Thoughts
Most judgmental thoughts can be separated into two categories: comparative and internalized judgment. Comparative is when you compare yourself to others—ranging from comparing yourself to someone you hold in high regard, to comparing your employees or peers to yourself and each other. On the other hand, internalized judgment is when you feel like you can not live up to your own standards. (I’m talking to you perfectionists!)
Both comparative and internalized judgment can be dangerous.
Let’s take a moment to learn more about these two types of judgments:
1. Comparative judgment. Comparative judgment makes you continuously compare and contrast your life, and how you do things, with friends, family members, coworkers, and others. You may also feel that others should do things the same way you do, especially when you are in a position of authority over them. Eventually, this will prevent you from seeing their contributions positively, decreasing your ability to help them develop their own strengths. Either way, it can affect your impact as a leader.
You might view others, or yourself, as superior/better with this type of judgment.
You are likely to think others are judging you, and assume you don’t measure up.
2. Internalized judgment. Internalized judgment makes you feel that you will never be perfect or achieve the things you desire. It can even make you think that success is not enough.
The obsession with being perfect can be overwhelming with this type of self-judgment.
Your team can perceive it as you being critical of them, as well as yourself, or that you portray success in a stressful and hard to achieve way.
Over the next few weeks, we are going to cover the top judgmental thoughts that we all struggle with and discuss how to reframe those thoughts to support you better. We will also take a look at ways you can help your team to overcome judgmental thoughts.
Next week in part 2 of this series, we will cover reframing the thought of “I’m not enough.” One of the most common self-judgmental views.
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