I like having our conversations, but…
You really should try to get this done on time.
You know you have to (insert that task you've been putting off here).
But. Should. Need to. Have to.
How often have you heard statements like these, laced with those sneaky little words that seem to knock the wind out of your sails?
The proven power of your words
Words have power.
Cliché, yes. True? Absolutely.
In fact, according to Robert W. Schrauf, Professor and Head of the Department of Applied Linguistics at Pennsylvania State University:
"Half of all the words that people produce from their working vocabulary to express emotion are negative."
What's more, a 2005 ABC News article detailing one of his studies says that Schrauf found that this phenomenon crosses age and cultural barriers. He and a then-graduate student set out to see if there was much difference between different age groups in Mexico City and Chicago.
They found in every single group, no matter their age or location, each: "had the same proportions, 50 percent negative, 30 percent positive, and 20 percent neutral {words}."
Small Words, Quantum Impacts - in Business & Beyond
Little words that seem insignificant can have a quantum impact on the trajectory of a conversation. When it comes to the workplace, words may be more powerful than most of us realize. They can uplift and motivate – or spread negativity.
Whether for good or evil, words are contagious. And so is negativity – it spreads quickly and needlessly wastes billions every year. The U.S Bureau of Labor Statistics estimates that negativity costs businesses $3 billion a year because of its harmful effects.
How to bring more positivity (& productivity) into your day
There are some simple ways to shift your conversation. While it takes mindful awareness, the results you achieve can be impressive. Simply changing a few words can uplift and motivate.
For instance, whenever you say "but," it automatically negates what was previously stated – it's a surefire way to send someone into defensive mode. It has a negative connotation – even if you didn't intend it.
Think about it for a minute; what if someone says to you: "I really like your cardigan, but…."
Your brain skips right over the first part, focusing instead on that one sneaky little word, "but."
And we "should" on others (and ourselves) all the time. Look out for close relatives of "should," including "have to" or "need to." All give a connotation that you don't have a choice and must drudge through it.
And how motivating is that? Yeah, I thought so…😉
Negative Language to Avoid, Positive Language to Replace it With
Here are some simple ways to shift your language:
Replace the word "But."
Replace "but" with "yet," "though," or "and" to cultivate a more positive, inquisitive thought process.
Example: "I really enjoy our conversations, but I wish I had more time with you."
Modify to: "I really enjoy our conversations, though I wish I had more time with you."
Replace the phrases "Have to" and "Need to."
Lighten the burden of "have to" or "need to" statements with more supportive wording like "want to."
Example: "I have to get this done by tonight."
Modify to: "I want to get this done by tonight."
Replace the word "Should."
Reframe "should" statements by replacing them with empowering language, such as "consider."
Example: "You should really get to the meeting a half-hour early."
Modify to: "Maybe you would consider arriving a bit early to the meeting?"
Leaning in with more curiosity and allowing choices in the conversation will build motivation and confidence in yourself and others.
Tips to help you leverage the power of conversation
Conversation can make you feel like you have control again. Think about how you can reframe your words to be more supportive of yourself and others.
Ready to give it a try and wondering where to start? I've been asked if there's a difference between the self-talk we carry on with ourselves, the conversations we share with others, and the written communications like emails and texts.
The short answer is yes, especially when you're just starting to reframe your words. I recommend starting with written communication because it's the easiest way to implement simple changes. The visual nature of written communication makes it a great way to practice, giving you a chance to see things more clearly.
Next is your conversation with others. When you're talking to someone else, you may find it easier to focus on how you can best shape your words to be supportive and uplifting.
What about self-talk? That can be the most challenging area to work on since we tend to be more comfortable with our inner selves and less likely to pay attention to how we communicate with ourselves.
What about natural human emotions (all of them)?!
I hear this all the time – what about embracing the whole spectrum of natural human emotions – including frustration, overwhelm, anger, etc.?
I first would encourage you to pay attention to when you're feeling negative emotions in conversation. Negative emotions support negative language, which can perpetuate the cycle of negative outcomes.
For example, in despair, you might say, "This webinar…everything went wrong. Ugh. Anything that could go wrong did."
Consider reframing to: "It could have been better…" and then focus on what didn't go wrong versus everything that did go wrong.
Pay attention to the small things, which often go unnoticed in our fast-paced world, causing us to miss out on moments of positivity.
We all get angry or frustrated sometimes, and this is when it becomes imperative to be intentional about our words.
What's the big deal, especially if it's just a tiny change in wording?
The outcome.
The results you achieve will likely be very different – and sometimes, it only takes a seemingly minor change in wording to shift the end results.
Being aware when you're in a negative space gives you leverage to have better control of the conversation.
Make it about a positive focus…and see the results. Changing even a few words shifts the tone from a negative stopping point to a position of curious thought.
This is so simple, and I encourage you to try this out in your professional (or personal) life. You may find it's a highly effective management hack for positivity, and a small shift can support your team and improve your entire workplace culture.
Give it a test run for the next week - before you send an email or a text, replace some unproductive wording, such as I outlined above, with a more uplifting tone. I think you may be surprised by the results.